all things must pass

Sitting here listening to this song by the great George Harrison to supply the mood for my final mind purge to all you wonderful people, getting sentimental, feeling the end. Please listen with me if you feel so inclined:



It's been a rough semester, to say the least. Too slow and too fast and too emotional or not emotional enough or too telling of what the psyche is and is not prepared for. Grand ideas get whittled down into toothpicks to fit between the teeth of dreams, imagination. You lay out a map and see the whole terrain in front of you, look back again and see you've traveled an inch. But maybe that's where the old saying "give an inch, take a mile" should apply.. We've inched into our stories and now we can steal the rest of that road, see it stretched out all pretty before us, smooth and hot as the 505 in August.

What I mean to say is: we've done amazing work. You've done amazing work. I've never been in a workshop with so many talented people, and I'm not just saying that. I felt it the first day when we all read our scars that no one sees quick writes and everyone was bursting at the seams with stories to tell, memories to unfold, words to sing onto the page. It was lovely. And here we are at the end and I just keep rambling on because I don't know how to saw goodbye.

I'll let Georgey say it for me...


Thank you all for everything. Let's keep in touch.

This Outrageous Thesis Group

And by "outrageous" I mean outrageously amazing.

That's a serious use of the word "amazing" by the way, because I don't know where I would be in my thesis journey if it wasn't for this group. I've had some awesome workshop groups and learned so much from every single person I've been in class with the past four years, but I've learned the most from this group of talented minds. I think instead of a general letter, I'll say a little about each of you:

Rebecca: I put you first because you're going to text me later asking why you weren't first; I already know :P If people didn't already know, we've been friends since the get-go (literally the first day of move-in since we lived next door to one another in our little noisy pod), so it makes sense that we end our Mills careers via struggling with our theses together. Our first writing class was Beginning Fiction Workshop, where I got to see your awesome writing ability, and two years later you've done nothing but improve your talent. I saw use your quick-thinking mind to come up with and write such a fascinating and poignant piece about your family, and I couldn't be prouder of your swag.

Kate: I remember the first day of class I was like "This girl is kinda quiet and looks really tired, not ready to be here...WE CAN RELATE" and after our first peer meeting I realized you are hilarious and full of energy and spirit--I basically just found so much in common with you from afar. I felt creepy about it but whatever. I've been so excited and remain excited to see how you came up with your thesis in Week 2 and here we are at the end and you've developed a really cool idea into an entertaining and adventurous project. I hope you continue it for every date you have in the future, to be honest, and I will read every chapter.

Katy: I always talk about you in my blogs, I just realized, so you can go back to the others to see more compliments. In this post I have to say that you're just a fantastic person. That's really all there is to it. Your writing is wonderful, your excitement is infectious, and I just really appreciated every opportunity we had to chat about theses and life and everything in between. I will be first in line to buy your book when it's completed.

Heidi: If we had to label one another as "The ___ One" in our class, I'd label you The Chill One. You just put so much care and knowledge into your and other's works, and I've been so happy to hear and read your advice every time we had workshop sessions. Your writing is so fun to read, and I'm extremely happy to have had the pleasure of reading your project. From the first class I knew it'd be something interesting, and I'm in awe at just how interesting and how well developed it's become. In your honor I also have to read American Psycho and maybe Ellis's memoir...but that's if Psycho hasn't completely scarred me.

Tessa: I knew of your name from The Campanil, but I didn't really see just how beautiful your writing is until I read your project. The non-fiction group theme is obviously family, and what I love is that everyone has different approaches and different perspectives. What makes your project stand out is because it is so individualistic from the others, and that's all thanks to your writing. I also enjoyed hearing your thoughts during our workshop sessions because your comments are always so thoughtful and useful--I think every time you've expressed something I could see the look on your face as you configured how to make sure it was a thought that wouldn't be forgotten...and it hasn't.

Olivia: Rad Poetry Girl :) I thought when Kirsten came up with that she was just being cute, and then our last day of Jane Austen I heard some of your poetry and I thought, "Nah Kirsten wasn't joking..." Now I've had the pleasure of reading more of your poetry and I'm completely taken aback and feel Kirsten is justified forever in the name-giving. I'm not a huge fan of poetry, but I'm a huge fan of your work, and I'm thankful to have had the opportunity to read it.

Marci: I've always appreciated your thoughtfulness and energy when it came to workshopping others' works, and I've loved reading your poetry. Although initially I had no idea what it was about, I liked that because it made me think. It made me imagine what was being described and made me think about what was being said and the importance of what was being said. That sentence can also refer to your supportive commentary on my work, and I'm so grateful to have had that commentary.

TAs: I group y'all together because I feel all three of you have been some awesome resources, whether it was Mia's insightful questions (and phrasing of questions and statements), or Lindsey's attention to details I would've missed, or Margaret's ever-present motivation. Having a graduate student's eye on my work really pushed me to understand the importance of my project and inspired me to care more about my project.

And finally...

Elmaz: What would I have done without you? Our one-on-one meetings have been so helpful to me (even if it doesn't show). I'm happy to have had a thesis advisor who always wanted the best from me and wanted me to understand myself and what it means for me to be a writer. I could write a whole separate blog about how much you've helped me, but I'll only do that if I get extra credit.

Congratulations everyone and see you at...well, everything,
- Kendra

final words!

Dear Senior Thesis Class,

Brow raising “suns,”

 Working with you has been an uplifting and rewarding experience!

Creating does and does hold its glowing appeal in community. 

The opportunity to collaborate with this crafty group has strengthened my continuous search to form and create the lyrical meaning out of experience.

And, the scratch marks and creases on my forehead testify to the confusion that each of your fantastic poetry and stories, touching on themes of loss disorientation, have inflicted upon me. Yes! A jiving experiment, your lines.

 And a jig: the digs do add to depth! 

I:       Thank you, most charismatic thesis buds for the back and forth, the traces and marks. 

     The experience has been stupendously profound and most remarkably memorable!

Best,

Marci

Gratitude

One of the major saving graces of this semester (for me) has been witnessing and participating in the journey this class has undertaken. 

Most closely I have watched Heidi, Tessa, and Rebecca, who were my small group, take enormous risks with their writing; delve into huge new projects that were expansive beyond imagining when we first sat together. Their willingness to go in, that courage, that labour, inspires me. They each, and collectively we, have done, so, much, work. 

I've been learning about my own teaching praxis alongside, and with you folks, and with Elmaz's incredible mentorship. I leave this semester changed, clearer about why I am doing the work, which is to say writing, not at Mills, but in my life. Learning with each of you has informed that hugely.

Light,

mia

Katy's Letter to the Class

Dearest Class,

I am very happy to have experienced this with all of you. I couldn't have asked for a better group. You were all so supportive, smart, and talented. I look around the classroom and everyone is an inspiration to me.

What I will most take away from this class is the communal spirit I can find in writing. Writing has always been a solitary endeavor to me--and I've always liked it that way--but I learned for the first time the real benefits of working closely with other writers to produce your best work. It was such a relief going in to workshop and knowing that I could trust everyone's critiques would come from an intelligent and well-intentioned place. Even if I didn't agree with everything that was sad, it all gave me something serious to think about--not just with this piece, but also as I move on and develop as a writer. I will be thinking about what you all said about characters, temporality, and structure. I will keep that with me as valued insight. And from this, I know better now what a joy it is to pour over someone else's pages and give them all of the care I have in me, to truly take the story at its own level and understand where it's trying to go. To respect our separate visions, and to cherish what they can produce when mixed together.

I am proud of the work that I have done this semester. It's a longer piece than I ever intended to write and continues to grow each day. I know this is something I will be toiling over for some time, with breaks here and there to work on other things, to go back to my beloved flash fictions or to pen poetry. And when I write, whatever I write, I will take my lessons with me. I will remember to appreciate others, and to trust my instincts, and to read read and read, and to remember what truly matters to me. In these four years, I have developed a strong artistic voice and I will never be silenced again.

So let's go to the highest roof top and scream our hearts out.

Love always,
Katy.

Kate's Week 14

Reflecting back on this semester, I am not happy with myself. I slacked off all semester until I couldn’t procrastinate any more and had to get stuff done. I know that I am not where I want to be with my thesis because of this, but also because I didn’t do the necessary preparation work to be in a good position at this point.

I don’t know why I am surprised. I do this every semester. Get behind on one thing, then another and another until before you know it you are behind on three things in each class. Eventually that leads you to be behind all the time know matter what you do because there is no hope for catching up — classes don’t slow down, they rev up towards the end. I know this, and yet still I procrastinate.

Overall, I have learned a lot about writing. I have learned that…

1)   I like to take my time and really think things through before I start writing.

2)   I brainstorm a lot and over and over again, so I need to leave time for this.

3)   I change my mind a lot, so I need to keep all the versions of my stories so I can go back a pull from them.

4)   It is okay to write crap. You need to get the crap out to get to the good stuff — and yes, this takes time.

5)   Learn the rules so you can break the rules, and yes, I am still learning.

6)   Listen to advice, but in the end do what works for you. Everyone has advice, but no brain thinks alike so trust your gut, go with it and edit later.

7)   Hear your own story. It is so easy to know your story, or the idea of it, so much that you start to fill in the blanks. But if I take my time and really read and listen to my story, its been telling me what it wants to do this whole time.

8)   Edit, edit and edit. Save, save and save all versions.

9)   Talk about it, and more, and again until it spills over into everyday life. I found that the more I talk about my story, the more I am in it and can write. The more I think, talk and brainstorm about my story, the more it moves and becomes part of me in a sense that allows me to take it somewhere.

10)                  Research. For me, I thought, it’s fiction, what do I need to research? The answer is everything! The more research I did, the more I got in touch with my story, other people’s stories and why mine is different.

Although, I am not where I want to be and my story is not even close to where I want it, I know how it feels. How it feels to slack off and then pay the price in academic shame when your peers read your story and see all the spelling, grammatical and other errors. It also taught me that it is okay to fail. It is okay not to be perfect. In all my failures, missed deadlines and late papers — I’ve learned — I’ve experienced what it feels like to be a writer. Not just for school, but for you.

I am a writer and I write for me.

A big thanks to the entire class for reading my work and giving me amazing feedback and a huge thanks to Elmaz and Margaret for putting up with me this semester — never an easy feat. I know it is not always easy for me to take criticism, whether it be negative or positive, but you all were gracious peers. I appreciate you all and wish you the best of luck with all of your endeavors.

I will miss you Mills!