Kate's Week 14

Reflecting back on this semester, I am not happy with myself. I slacked off all semester until I couldn’t procrastinate any more and had to get stuff done. I know that I am not where I want to be with my thesis because of this, but also because I didn’t do the necessary preparation work to be in a good position at this point.

I don’t know why I am surprised. I do this every semester. Get behind on one thing, then another and another until before you know it you are behind on three things in each class. Eventually that leads you to be behind all the time know matter what you do because there is no hope for catching up — classes don’t slow down, they rev up towards the end. I know this, and yet still I procrastinate.

Overall, I have learned a lot about writing. I have learned that…

1)   I like to take my time and really think things through before I start writing.

2)   I brainstorm a lot and over and over again, so I need to leave time for this.

3)   I change my mind a lot, so I need to keep all the versions of my stories so I can go back a pull from them.

4)   It is okay to write crap. You need to get the crap out to get to the good stuff — and yes, this takes time.

5)   Learn the rules so you can break the rules, and yes, I am still learning.

6)   Listen to advice, but in the end do what works for you. Everyone has advice, but no brain thinks alike so trust your gut, go with it and edit later.

7)   Hear your own story. It is so easy to know your story, or the idea of it, so much that you start to fill in the blanks. But if I take my time and really read and listen to my story, its been telling me what it wants to do this whole time.

8)   Edit, edit and edit. Save, save and save all versions.

9)   Talk about it, and more, and again until it spills over into everyday life. I found that the more I talk about my story, the more I am in it and can write. The more I think, talk and brainstorm about my story, the more it moves and becomes part of me in a sense that allows me to take it somewhere.

10)                  Research. For me, I thought, it’s fiction, what do I need to research? The answer is everything! The more research I did, the more I got in touch with my story, other people’s stories and why mine is different.

Although, I am not where I want to be and my story is not even close to where I want it, I know how it feels. How it feels to slack off and then pay the price in academic shame when your peers read your story and see all the spelling, grammatical and other errors. It also taught me that it is okay to fail. It is okay not to be perfect. In all my failures, missed deadlines and late papers — I’ve learned — I’ve experienced what it feels like to be a writer. Not just for school, but for you.

I am a writer and I write for me.

A big thanks to the entire class for reading my work and giving me amazing feedback and a huge thanks to Elmaz and Margaret for putting up with me this semester — never an easy feat. I know it is not always easy for me to take criticism, whether it be negative or positive, but you all were gracious peers. I appreciate you all and wish you the best of luck with all of your endeavors.

I will miss you Mills!