This week I continue to be frustrated with my story. In
stead of sending out the new date part I went back and edited in some of the
things the class mentioned they wanted to see more of in my story. So far I am
really happy with most of the additions. Like…
I’m
not even sure if that’s what I want. I know I don’t like being alone. I know
that. Loneliness is something I hate and love. I love to be alone sometimes, do
things on my own, be lazy and have know one judge me; just be. But, I also hate
being alone for long periods of time. I like feeling like I am part of
something. I think that is why I have always fantasized of having a husband and
family.
I
always thought a family of my own would make me feel like I was part of
something and not having one means you’re alone and going to be alone forever.
What if that happens to me? What if I am that old spinster lady who is always
alone? Shopping alone, cooking alone, sending out greeting cards to all the
people who won’t come see her because she is a miserable old hag and alone,
alone so alone. I don’t want that to be me. That’s my fear.
There
is more to it than that though. I want a partner. A friend. A love. Besides
that, I don’t even know what I am looking for. I know I want someone. I know I
do. But who and what do I want? I tease mom by saying that I don’t want to find
a husband and have kids right now, but I honestly couldn’t say no to it if the
opportunity presented itself tomorrow and I really liked the guy.
This section is definitely not
where I want it to be as far as saying everything that needs to be said and
where it is located as well. However, I think it addresses an important issue
that a lot of single women who are in there 30’s think about. Why am I single?
Why am I not married? Kids? Also. I wanted to address what is making me feel
like I’m lacking because I don’t have these things. I feel like I am starting
to touch on it here, but haven’t quite hit it yet.
I also took
a closer look at the section that talks about being a slut and what that means.
I started to break it down a little bit, but didn’t really get there. I feel
like there could be a whole chapter on why she is lonely and dating and he thoughts
one being or not being a slut. I’m not sure how relevant I want to make it to
the whole of the story though. It is very relevant—but how important is it that
you—the reader— have a clear understanding of it. My character doesn’t even
know and that is why she can not explain it. How do I make that more obvious?
I really want to put pressure on
the fact that she has a lot of ideas and theories that she has about things
that she can’t even explain or make sense of. Towards the end of the story she
will become less cloudy about things and as she starts to clarify how she feels
about her, the world and dating in that world, not only do her theories become
clear but so does who she is and what she wants.
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