So this is how it all begins.
I'm sitting here with a towel wrapped around my head and the heater on. I'm pleasantly exhausted from a long day of nonstop running all over campus and running through my brain. Last week on Tuesday night I was reveling in the calm before the storm, waiting for it all to hit. Now my mind is racing. But I like it. I like the thoughts I'm being given to think, and the ones who's roots are more mysterious, opening subtly in the mind like a star becoming illuminated.
I felt this way after class last week. A sort of heart-racy feeling that I couldn't do anything with. It's in my chest and behind my eyes and the best description I have for it is suspense; anticipation. I'm waiting for the it all to come spilling out of me. And out of all of you, too. I already feel the push all of you are going to give me, the things you will read to me that I will wish I had written, that will make my heart jump. I'm waiting for those life-changing sentences, for all of this to become real. Or supernatural. Or both. If that makes sense.
This weekend I am interviewing my grandmothers half sister who was there with her through most of the 60's and 70's. I haven't seen her since I was probably 10 years old and now here I am, 15 years later trying to piece a lost life back together. I'm nervous and elated and worried that when it comes down to it, the stories and their meaning to me will be more compelling than the story I chose to tell from it. But that's all to come later. For now, I'll sit in the anticipation of creation to come, looking through a clouded window onto its opulence.
Sounds like all the right emotions Tessa! You are on an interesting journey. Go deep.
ReplyDeletee
There you are, on the precipice! Trust in that anticipation, and your capacity to translate what you find compelling in the stories you find, into compelling story. I'm interested to learn about the interview technique/approach you're going to use/take with your grandmother's aunt. I'm wondering if you're going to start somewhere specific in the search. I'm interested to find out what surprises you after the initial interview - what unanticipated direction/ideas you discover.
ReplyDeleteExcited!
Your thoughts are so invigorating, like cold morning air after a restless night. It's admirable that you aren't daunted by that racing business, but instead push your energy into your work. I can get overwhelmed by it sometimes, but I agree about last class. My heart was racing. My thoughts were blooming afresh. Everyone I looked at filled me with exhilaration. Here's to many more to come.
ReplyDeleteWow, I really love your writing, and this is just the blog! It makes me so interested and excited to read/hear your final project! The first paragraph made me feel like I was reading the beginning of a story and I was being drawn in....I honestly thought that's what it was....and then realizing those were your own thoughts and emotions...it's invigorating - like Katy said! I'm really interested to hear what becomes of your interview! And I feel like I share that feeling about the stories and their meaning to you being more compelling than what you create from them; that's one of my worries with my idea to do a personal narrative about getting in more in touch with my Japanese history..it's comforting to know that I'm not the only one!
ReplyDeleteJust based on this post, I already can tell the journey you'll be taking both yourself and all of us is going to be enjoyable and influential. I'm so happy you're anticipating what's to come of our projects, as I'm also anticipating and looking to be amazed at everyone's work, particularly yours because I feel how special this project is for you (besides the fact that it's your family), and I want nothing more than for you to see success with telling your grandmother's story.
ReplyDelete