I'm having a hard time sitting down and writing. I'm having a hard time wrapping my head around this story - what I want to say about it, what it says on its own, how to let the story itself have room to grow and breathe without me suffocating it with my own presence. I see so many ways this all could go and it's hard to know which is best.
I met with my great aunt this weekend, whom I hadn't seen in 15 years. She gave me so much insight into my grandmother's life and death, but what is insight without a place to put it, without a meaning to tease out of it?
I've been reading Michael Ondaatje's memoir/family history Running in the Family, which was suggested to me by Mia (thank you!). It is beautifully written and a great example of how my work could take shape. It is written non-chronologically as short chapters about certain moments, people, places, events in time, and mixed in are Ondaatje's own musings about the experience of gathering the story. He takes liberties with the story that I especially enjoy - creating fiction-like moments out of tales he could only have heard the bare bones of.
I want to this, but am struggling with my own sense of ownership over my grandmother's story. I keep asking myself if I have the right to step in and create scenes from her life that I wasn't there for, that maybe nobody was there for. Am I allowed to recreate other peoples memories in a way that serves my version of her story? And what, ultimately, is my version of her story?
These are the questions I am grappling with. But on a lighter note, in our meeting last week we went deep into the structure of a story from the Pushcart anthology. I really enjoyed the process of setting aside the content of the story and focusing on how the structure informed the content, how it informed the theme or central question of the piece. In all, a good meeting.
Til next time.
Tessa, your process duplicates my first book-it was a memoir but it was not about me, so i had the same questions, can i represent my grandmother's, grandfather's, mother's, father's story? with integrity? i researched my ass off, on every level. For a while, I kept a diary in each of the character's voices, with their perspective, until i felt immersed in their lives. It's no easy task.
ReplyDeleteRunning in the Family was a good suggestion--glad you read it. Nice. good luck with all of this. Live it.
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I'm so glad that your great-aunt was able to give you so much insight for your piece! And you're definitely not the only one who's struggling to just sit down and write, I find myself grappling with the same thing! I'm constantly worried about whether or not I'm telling a good story, if it's as interesting as I think it is, etc... It's good that Mia's suggestion has given you some ideas and inspiration for your story, but I definitely see your struggle with trying to tell your grandmother's story. I don't think you should feel bad about retelling or recreating her's or someone else' story because you weren't there - ultimately this is your project, your thesis, and I think it would be okay because I don't imagine that any of your retellings or recreations are coming from a negative space. But of course, that is just my opinion and you should do whatever you feel is right with your story, and I hope that Ondaatje's memoir helps you throughout your project!
ReplyDeleteHi there, I'm recuperating still from a viscious ill early last week that threw me off of my game completely. I'm back, while late in commenting, and so excited to see what you've shared here.
ReplyDelete1) Wonderful news about great aunt encounter!
2) Great question about the relevance of insight without a place to put it.
3) I have a sinking suspicion that the meaning of the insight will appear in the places of the piece(s) you're crafting. Have you attempted writing into the scene of the critical moment through her voice yet?
4) So glad Running in the Family is inspiring. Thanks to Elmaz for introducing me to it last year.
5) The questions of ownership are important, and let's talk about them beside consideration of the content you're producing, where we will discover what your version is! Which is all we can hope for really!
6) Great work!
It's great that you met with your great aunt and received plentiful amounts of information for your work. We'll start with that.
ReplyDeleteSecondly, while reading this, I found your questions and really took the time to think about them. "Am I allowed to recreate other peoples memories in a way that serves my version of her story? And what, ultimately, is my version of her story?" It makes me think of one of my favorite memoirs, The Woman Warrior by Maxine Hong Kingston, which mixes autobiographical stories with Chinese folklore. Not the same as your project, where you're telling the story in someone else's point of view, but my point is that this is ultimately the story you're telling. Because it's a memoir, I feel that you're not being held to the idea that everything in your project is real; it's your story in the sense that you're writing what *you* want to present about your grandmother, and however you want the world to view her is how you write it. With that being said, you are "allowed" and "have the right" because it's from your perspective.
I respect that you've thought about this though; it's something I would think about as well, and I still don't have a definite answer (who really does?), but it's worth comtemplating.
Hope you find the suitable answer for your project.